The Real EVE

CCP Quant's analysis of player characters by type of space

By CCP Quant's figures, three out of every four characters in EVE Online reside in high-sec space. Even if you assume that a substantial portion of this is comprised of alt characters of null-sec residents, that still means that well over half of all players operate almost exclusively in Empire space.

This is a tragedy, and is horrible for EVE Online.

The EVE Pretenders

No high-sec resident is actually playing EVE Online. Only players who operate in null-sec space (the elite 12 percent of all characters, according to CCP Quant's statistics) can legitimately claim that title. The Real EVE is a PvP game, and only a PvP game - no other activity in EVE Online has any significant impact or value. Null-sec residents only do ratting and mission-running and moon mining and complexes and other ISK-generating activities simply to cover costs of The Real EVE: PvP and fighting for sovereignty.

It is true that wormhole and low-sec residents engage in something that resembles PvP, but they do so without the ability to plant a flag and publicly declare their space. As a result, their kind of PvP isn't really EVE either. In fact, they are cowards for hiding in unclaimable space. This is probably because they suffer from a universal character flaw: they are unwilling to commit themselves to a larger purpose, and therefore, are just amateur null-sec wannabes, at best. Fortunately, so few people play in low-sec and wormhole space (a combined 10 percent of all characters) that we can discount them all as insignificant.

High-sec PvP is a laughable idea. Ganking, wardecs or dueling are not really PvP, as there is no lasting impact beyond asset losses. Just because two or more players are involved does not mean that combat in high-sec is meaningful. High-sec fights are just the strong preying on the weak - nothing of enduring importance is at stake, and therefore, there is no honor in it.

How to Fix EVE

CCP owes null-sec players everything. Null-sec battles and wars generate all the publicity for EVE Online, and are truly the only reason that anyone ever joins the game. Virtually all new subscriptions are generated by null-sec activity alone. Without the public relations engine of 0.0 politics, new entrants into EVE Online would dwindle to nothing, and CCP Games would cease to exist as a business. CCP's plan to lure new people in with a free-to-play option will fail if null-sec alliances don't create newsworthy wars to attract Alpha clone players into the game.

It is right and just, therefore, that CCP devote all their time and attention to the needs and wants of null-sec players, before any other player constituency. In fact, allocating valuable CCP development and customer support resources to cater to any group other than null-sec players is a poor use of time and money. In The Real EVE, the only things that matter are fighting and holding sov. Everything else is simply a wasteful distraction, and should be eliminated.

For example, EVE Online's science fiction theme, lore and backstory are unimportant. No one who plays The Real EVE cares about lore - it has no impact on PvP or on sovereignty. Imagine if CCP Games were to redirect the funds spent on pointless lore writing, video production, website development and artwork to improving the vitality of The Real EVE in null-sec space. No one would miss this extraneous misappropriation to meaningless atmosphere in the game.

There are far too many useless features in EVE Online. Attributes, factions, standings, skill training, ISK - all are unnecessary for playing The Real EVE.

In fact, if CCP stripped out all mechanics for resource gathering and building things from the game, EVE Online would be the better for it. Ships, modules and ammo should be readily available for free, so that players can focus on real EVE play, and not be distracted by mining, invention, manufacturing, hauling, market trading, exploration or anything else that takes away from the only important parts of the game: fighting and holding sov. The only reason for preserving player-owned structures in the game is that they provide interesting explosion fodder for combat operations.

Null-sec sovereignty - everything else is irrelevant.

The Only Space that Matters

The huge cancerous mass of high-sec, low-sec and wormhole-based characters is distracting CCP Games from focusing development resources on making The Real EVE better. In fact, the best thing that CCP Games could do is expunge the cancer and convert all systems to null-sec security levels, immediately. Eliminate Empire space completely. Get rid of the weird netherworld of low-sec space. Drop the lore-laden disaster of faction warfare altogether. Make every system claimable, even in wormhole space. Instead of starting them in meaningless NPC corps, place all new players (including all free-to-play Alpha clone players) automatically in null-sec alliance corps, where they will be taught to play The Real EVE.

Drop all PvE, industry and market mechanics from the game. In return, make ships, modules and ammo freely available from NPC stations. Let all players start with maximum skills, so they can fly anything. Discard any aspect of the game that isn't The Real EVE. Make New Eden great again, by converting it into a PvP and sov-holding paradise, everywhere.

Only then can EVE Online be saved. The carebear attitude fostered by the safety of high-sec will be eliminated, and all new players will be forced immediately into The Real EVE. The pretend PvP of low-sec and w-space will disappear, and those players will see the light and convert to honorable, sov-holding alliances. Sov warfare on a scale never seen before will break out, and the publicity generated will cause hundreds of thousands of new players to flood into the game. CCP's coffers will overflow with newfound wealth.

It will be a glorious Golden Age for EVE Online.


Note: the entirety of the preceding post is composed of statements I have read in EVE-related blogs, forums, and social media, or have heard in EVE-focused videocasts, podcasts, or at player gatherings.

In case you thought this wasn't satire, I would like to make you familiar with Poe's law.

My sincere thanks to a couple of fellow EVE media friends for the valuable input on this post. You know who you are.

Fly safe! o7

End WCS Persecution!

I noticed today that many modules in EVE Online have variants at the faction, deadspace and officer level, but some have been strangely neglected. For example, consider the sad case of warp core stabilizers (WCS), which only have Tech I, Tech II and Storyline versions.

Why are Warp Core Stabs being persecuted? Why don't they have fancy faction and officer-level variants, like so many other modules in EVE Online? Why all the hate, CCP Games?

The differences in WCS variants are slight, with minor fitting variations between them - and they all have a paltry -1 warp scramble strength improvement, so there is no functional advantage between any of the options.

This is a very sad state of affairs - one that should have come to the attention of the Council of Stellar Management (CSM) long before now. Why has there been no outrage on the part of the CSM about this obvious deficit? I think I smell a conspiracy.

To fix this glaring gap in capsuleer fitting options, I propose the following:

  • Introduce the Domination, Federation Navy, Republic Fleet and Shadow Serpentis (meta level 8) faction versions of the WCS, each with a -2 warp scramble strength, at slightly higher than Tech II fitting requirements
  • Introduce the Coreli and Gisti C-Type, B-Type and A-Type (meta levels 10-14) WCS versions, with warp scramble strengths of -3 and -4, with easier fitting requirements
  • Introduce the "Fawkes", "Ames", "Brutus", "Arnold", and "Judas" officer-level (meta levels 15-20) WCS variants, with warp scramble strengths of -5 and -6, with extraordinarily low fitting requirements
A recommended WCS fitting from the well-known lover of low-sec pilots and fluffy kittens,  Rixx Javix .

A recommended WCS fitting from the well-known lover of low-sec pilots and fluffy kittens, Rixx Javix.

The Joys of Warp Stability

Imagine how much easier it will be to finish off those pesky novice faction warfare plexes, with a full rack of "Judas" officer WCS modules on your Incursus, giving you a nice, comfortable -24 warp scramble strength of protection. Sure, you'll be flying something worth billions, but you can do so with the reassuring feeling that you're completely immune to any pirate, unless they arrange to bring a gang of at least 13 friends. After all, the key to success in EVE is always to "bring more friends" - right?

All you'd have to do is watch Local in some low-traffic low-sec system, and all would be right in the world. Imagine what this could do for the EVE Online economy, with a reliable stream of LP coming to FW pilots with virtually no effort. All those high-performance faction modules flooding the market at low prices would be a boon to every pilot in New Eden.

And imagine how much better mining would be, too. I'd love to be able to be even more AFK than I am already, reading a book while my strip miners hum merrily along, glancing up at my screen only to casually warp off if a couple of gankers show up, with nary a care. EVE Online has always been overly stressful for miners, and these new variants of WCS modules would simply make this chronic problem go away forever. The mental health of long-persecuted miners demands some compassion - let's give it to them with these enhanced stabilizers.

The Vast WCS Conspiracy

I'm very surprised that the CSM hasn't latched on to this issue. I suspect that they are all secret members of the shadowy pirate cartel, which run everything in EVE Online from their dimly lit, cigar-smoke filled, back rooms - where policy is set for the unknowing masses, usually during clandestine meetings at Fanfest. It's long past time to expose these criminals, and restore justice to the hordes of common pilots in New Eden.

It's time to unleash the power of warp core stabs. Free the WCS, I say! Give us our long-overdue faction, deadspace and officer WCS modules, CCP Games - and give them to us NOW!

(.... and Rixx Javix's head explodes in 3... 2... 1.... Hee hee hee!)